


Death is Weak (and we are strong)

by trinityrenee



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, F/M, Historical Slavery, I promise, IT'S FOR THE HISTORICAL ACCURACY, Idk what i'm doing, LOOK I DON'T WANT TO WRITE IT BUT I HAVE TO OKAY, Lawyer Ben Solo, Modern, Multiple Lives, Mutual Pining, Past Character Death, Power imbalance for ch 6-8, Pregnancy, Reincarnation, Rey Needs A Hug, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Rey/Kylo Ren, Social Worker Rey, and child abuse, but as little as possible, but i'm trying, but really it’s fully enthusiastic consent, historical racism, legal and social work innacuracies, like there is nothing non-con about this, references of child neglect, references of pregnancy, secondary gingerrose, secondary stormpilot, slightly dub-con, social work, there will be historical innacuracies, they die in their past lives obvs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:55:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24235408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trinityrenee/pseuds/trinityrenee
Summary: The Greeks believed that humans were created with two faces, four arms, and four legs.  Fearing their power, Zeus split them in half, cursing them to spend their lives searching for their other half.  In another legend, humans were originally bound to one body with one soul, until the gods split them in two as punishment.  Other shave blamed original sin for the creation of humans, and it is only through the power of love that they can experience wholeness.Benjamin Solo and Rey Niima have been born time and time again, lived through countless lives in which they always find each other again.  But it always seems as if something comes between them.  Something that they cannot control, and thus their happiness is short-lived.  Each time, they fight with Death to allow them back, to give them another chance to find each other again.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 20
Kudos: 49





	1. I know your voice, I know your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. Welcome to my new fic that I literally cannot get out of my head. I was going to wait until tomorrow to post this, but I just can't wait because I've finished the second chapter already and I want to stay a chapter ahead before updating / posting this.
> 
> I hope that everything makes sense with how I have this fic set up, but if there are any questions that you have, please feel free to let me know in the comments! Right now, I'm planning on spending 2-3 chapters on each of Ben & Rey's past lives (and there are quite a few), so expect the chapter count to raise depending on how that plan goes for me, lol. The past lives will be in italics, with the time period at the start of it just as a break between the modern and past life. I'm also trying to keep things as historically accurate as possible, which is why they have different names in their past lives. Because as easy as it would be to keep Rey and Ben, they aren't always historically accurate.
> 
> Also, there's gonna be a lot of death in this. It's just the nature of past lives. It's gonna get referenced. I'd also like to mention that there will be mentions of child neglect and abuse because of Rey's profession as a social worker. I won't go into details with any of it, but I did want to give you guys fair warning about it.
> 
> The chapter titles, the title of this fic, and the inspiration of this fic come from the song [Until Eternity](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuvST3wGCG8) by Blackbrirar. This song has been one of my favourites since I discovered it and I was listening to it when it exploded this idea into my brain and hasn't let me rest since. I hope you guys enjoy and I look forward to hearing feedback from you guys about this!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **_Classical Period Greece, c. 400 BCE_ **

_ Eurydice has spent her entire life at the temple of Brauron. Or at least so far as she can remember, anyway. Her mother had left her in the capable hands of the priestesses, left her daughter to grow up one of the  _ arktoi _ of Artemis. Her entire childhood has been dedicated to honoring the goddess, the one that she would have gladly spent the rest of her life serving as a priestess herself. _

_ If she had not been chosen to ascend from her place as a servant of Artemis to become the bride in their ritual. The highest of honors, Menadora had assured her when the priestesses had made their decision known to her. Knowing that this was the will of her goddess was the only thing that kept Eurydice from fighting her fate harder. _

_ She knows that she is not a bride that a man would want. With no family beyond her sisters of the  _ arktoi _ , Eurydice has nothing to offer her husband beyond the honor taming one of the beasts of Artemis. Perhaps that is truly honor in itself, as Nikephoros continues to insist to her as she prepares her. _

_ She sits in the forest, alone save for Nikephoros, one of the elder priestesses. The older woman combs her long hair back from her face before sweeping it into an elegant style. Eurydice keeps her eyes on her hands, curled into the saffron fabric of her robes. _

_ “Is he terribly old, do you think?” she asks the older woman. At only fifteen, she knows that she is the perfect age for marriage. She would be having a very different ritual this year, if Artemis had not decided she would serve a different purpose. Nike huffs in amusement and she can feel her shrug. _

_ “I would not know. Menodora was the one who arranged it,” she tells her. That doesn’t help the nerves bubbling up from her stomach. “Most men are older when they take wives, if I were to guess.” Eurydice nods, tightening her fingers around the fabric of her robes. _

_ Apollo’s sun is setting as the full moon of Artemis rises in the sky by the time Nikephoros declares Eurydice is ready for the ritual. Ready for her marriage. She knows that her husband has already arrived and she is not anxious to leave the safety of the forests that she has grown up roaming in.  _

_ Eurydice is no stranger to how these rituals are performed. At seven, she had carried the urns with the other  _ arktoi _ her age. At ten, she participated in grinding the grain to put into those sacred urns. At eleven and every year since, she danced amid the protection of the disguise of a bear. But she has never once thought she would be the one at the center of these rituals to honor their goddess. _

_ Nike smooths her hands over Eurydice’s robes, ensuring they fall the way they are supposed to. She is surrounded in a sea of yellow from the other girls. _

_ When the moon hangs heavy in the sky, the full eye of Artemis upon the temple below, the ritual begins. Eurydice moves forward, crouched low with the other girls as she performs the dance she has spent her whole life learning. _

_ Her first sighting of her husband is when she emerges from the dancing mass of other  _ arktoi _ , rising to her full height. He is tall, far taller than she and the other women spread throughout the temple. He is also older, but he doesn’t look as old as she had feared. That’s good. His hair falls to his shoulders in dark waves, speared with orange and reds from the firelight of the torches. He has a handsome face - long nose, elegant brow, and sharp eyes that see into her soul. _

_ She freezes for a moment, her mind blanking as she stares into those eyes and the rest of the world falls away. His eyes are dark, but they flicker with gold as they watch her. They seem to be glowing from within and even though she is still wearing her saffron robes, she feels exposed. Feels as though her entire being, her entire soul, is laid bare before this man that Artemis has brought before her. _

_ He is dressed in dark robes that cover his trim hips and tie together at one broad shoulder. His body is...massive and only serves to make her feel very, very small. _

_ She realizes that everyone around her is staring at her, waiting for her to actually disrobe and shed the saffron robe, shed the clothing of her youth and become a woman. She bites the inside of her cheek to break the spell that this man has cast upon her, reaching to the clasps at her shoulder to undo them. Lets the loose fabric fall away from her body, revealing herself to him. _

_ His eyes rove over her anew, sending shivers of electricity throughout her limbs. She knows that she is not much to look at, her body only recently having developed subtle curves. But she finds herself hoping that he does not mind. _

_ The chanting and humming around her grows again as she steps forward to take the lead of the sacrificial goat that is covered in wreaths of flowers from another  _ arktoi _. The animal bleats and tugs at the lead, but she drags it along with her towards the altar. The younger  _ arktoi _ are still dancing around her, the little bears joining in on the hunt. _

_ It is by staring in her husband's eyes that she finds the courage to keep moving, to continue taking step after step towards him. She does not want this, has never wanted this. But she will do it. For her goddess, she will do anything. _

_ Menodora takes the lead from her hands when she reaches the altar, tugging the goat up to the stone slab. Flower petals drift down from the goat's body as she and her husband stare at each other. _

_ She cannot seem to look away from his eyes. Cannot find a reason why she would ever want to. _

_ She had been fine, living her life a virgin dedicated to Artemis. Until the goddess placed this man in her path. _

_ Menodora was speaking, her elegant voice carrying over the sounds of the crackling fire, over the sounds of the drums and the dancing bears. She doesn't hear what the priestess is saying, doesn't pay attention to the intonation as she declares to everyone gathered why they are gathered. As if they don't all know. As if they aren't all very aware what this ritual is for. _

_ Her husband drapes his cloak over her shoulders when it is done. When the blood of the goat has been spread down their chests and Artemis has been appeased and they are declared bound to each other. When Menodora tells everyone that the little bear has been caught by the great hunter. _

_ When it is done, she freezes, panic welling up inside of her as she realizes that she will never return to her home again. At least not as the person that she had been. _

_ "Rey. Rey!" _

_ The voice is one she vaguely recognizes, but it takes a moment for it to register in her mind. She isn't sure who is calling for her, or why they are using that name… _

_ Her husband turns her away from the altar, towards the path created by the parting of all of the supplicants and priestesses. Begins to walk with her toward the entrance of the temple. _

_ "Wake up! You're going to be late!" _

_ The earth shakes around her but no one seems to notice…and she isn't all that concerned about it, herself. Not as her husband turns to her when they leave the temple, brushes calloused fingers against the line of her jaw. _

_ \-------- _

"Rey! Wake the fuck up!"

With a start and a panicked inhale, Rey sits up from where she's been slumped against the arm of the couch. Her roommate and best friend, Rose, is leaning over her, her small hands shaking her shoulders in an effort to wake her.

"Oh my god, finally!" Rose sighs, leaning back slightly.

Rey blinks in confusion, trying to get a grasp on reality after that absolutely insane and far too real dream. She can swear that there is a hint of myrrh and cinnamon in the air, even though neither she nor Rose have ever worn anything that would smell like that. She reaches her hand up to her jaw, running her fingers along the same path the man in her dream had.

"Were you out here all night?" her friend asks, concerned. Rey blinks again, shaking her head and sighing.

"I don't know… I guess so." Rey sighs and stretches her arms over her head, groaning as her muscles strain and pull from the position they'd been in most of the night. "I was up late looking over this file again… I have to meet with the parents and their attorney today. It's...not a pretty case," Rey sighs. Scrubbing a hand over her face, Rey looks over at where Rose is eyeing her, concerned.

"I can't imagine doing what you do every day, Rey, I really can't." Rose gives her a smile and shakes her head. The admission doesn't surprise Rey in the least. As a social worker that specifically works with kids in situations of abuse and neglect, her job isn't exactly a walk in the park on the best of days. Rose wouldn't cut it. Which is probably why her best friend taught kindergarten.

Not that teaching was any less demanding than her own job, of course.

Rey sighs and shakes her head again, trying to clear her mind of that dream. It isn't the first time she's had it or others like it, but it's never felt quite that... _ real _ before.

With a sigh, she grabs her phone from the coffee table in front of her and looks at the time. Fuck. It's already 7:30, which means she does not have enough time to shower or eat breakfast. She'll have to grab coffee on her way into the office this morning.

"Thanks for waking me up before you left, Rose. Sorry I was so out of it."

Rose eyes her warily for a second before smiling and nodding. "No problem. I'm just glad you were breathing, otherwise I would have thought you were dead for how deep you were sleeping."

"Damn. I must have been really tired…" Rey muses.

Rose nods and hefts the designer backpack she uses as a purse higher up her shoulder. "Yeah. Well, I'm glad you're awake and not dead, Rey. I gotta get going though. You're gonna come with us all to the Cantina tonight, right?" Rey nods affirmation and waves her best friend off as the front door of their apartment closes behind her and Rey is alone with the memory of her dream.

It doesn't take her long to throw on a pencil skirt and a little flowered blouse thing that she'd thrifted for two bucks a piece. She sweeps her hair back in a messy bun and barely manages to apply some mascara before she's shoving her feet into her sensible black heels and heading out the door for the day.

\--------

When the parents show up to the office building for their supervised visit, Rey can't say that she's exactly surprised that their attorney is there with them. He shows up first and Rey is informed by the secretary that the lawyer for Charlotte Evans' parents has arrived, but they're still waiting on the parents to show.

Rey has to admit that she doesn't really expect them to show, even if their attorney has shown up. In neglect cases, it's not exactly unusual for the parents to just straight up not show up to anything the court has allowed for them. Even if not showing up effectively puts the final nail in the coffin of their case.

Granted most of the ones that don't show tend not to bother with forking out the money for attorneys anyway, so….

It turns out that the parents are twenty minutes late. Caught in traffic or some other pathetic excuse that Rey sees through like glass and doesn't really give a shit about. They've wasted time that they could have spent with the daughter they're apparently so desperate to get back. She's definitely going to put their tardiness on her observation report that she submits to the judge.

Leaving Charlotte with her foster mother in the conference room they have set up specifically for these meetings, Rey walks out to the lobby to get the parents and their attorney. When she rounds the corner of the hallway that leads back to the maze of offices, she freezes.

The man pacing across the lobby with his hands shoved into the pockets of his slacks is huge. And familiar, somehow. She doesn't know  _ how _ he's familiar, just that he  _ is. _

She knows his name is Ben Solo because that's the name of the attorney that's been communicating with her office to set these visitations up. She hasn't met him in person yet because she just got handed this case from the social worker that went on maternity leave after the initial court case and Rey hasn't been needed in court yet. After today, she will be, of course.

Rey  _ has _ to know him from somewhere. There's no way the spark of recognition in her is just for nothing. He pauses in his pacing and looks up at her, his eyes finding her. They seem to almost...glow from within and there's what looks like a spark of recognition there, too.

But where the hell would they know each other from? 

Rey has only been in Boulder for a few weeks and this is her first major case with this agency and in this city to begin with. Perhaps it's just a passing sort of recognition? They've probably passed each other on the street or something. That had to be it.

He's dressed in an expensive-looking suit that screams that he can afford whatever the hell he wants. The shiny designer watch on his wrist only adds to that assumption. The suit jacket and slacks are black, but he's wearing a dark blue button up with a slightly lighter blue tie beneath it. He looks really,  _ really _ good in blue, she decides.

He's the one that breaks the staring contest first, shaking his head and blinking as he steps toward her. "You must be Miss Niima," he says in a rich voice. Fighting the urge to bite her lip, she nods and gives him a smile as she takes his offered hand. She ignores the spark of warmth that crawls its way down her spine at the contact with his large hand.

"Yes. Mr. Solo, correct? It's a pleasure to meet you." Rey is nothing if not professional and she's not going to let this admittedly very well dressed and extremely attractive man make her any less so. Hopefully.

He nods at her, nothing but professional as he steps back from her and turns toward his clients. Right. How could she be attracted to an attorney that handles the defense for cases like these? Did he even feel bad or the least bit guilty? Sure, you didn't get to dress in fancy clothes and wear am expensive designer watch by only helping good people that actually deserve the help. But still.

Rey could never be an attorney, she decides.

She also decides that she hates Mr. Solo. Decides he had to be an awful kind of person to be able to represent parents who have caused harm to their children and will continue to do nothing but that if they win the case and get custody back.

Rey decides that she is definitely  _ not _ going to let him win this case. She will do everything in her power to keep Charlotte from going back to that environment.

That's what steels her spine against him as she drops his hand and straightens her spine. "I trust your clients have been told what they can and cannot do during this meeting and all others with Charlotte, correct?" Rey is back in business mode, shoving all thoughts of his stupid hair and ridiculously broad shoulders out of her mind.

He nods seriously. "Of course." He almost sounds offended that she would assume he wouldn't advise his clients how to behave during this visitation. Rey doesn't care. Or at least she shoves her need to apologize to the side.

"Great. Just because your clients are protected by legal counsel doesn't mean I won't report any inappropriate behavior to the court," she adds just because she can.

A muscle beneath Mr. Solo's left eye twitches and he nods after a moment. His eyes are the colour of whiskey, served nice and neat. "Of course, Miss Niima. I would expect nothing less."

Rey narrows her eyes slightly because she can't tell if he's making fun of her or not. She decides to ignore him and not rise to the possible bait and just nods back at him.

"Great. Your clients are welcome to come and sit with their child, then." Her chin lifts a bit as her prompt seems to bring him out of whatever headspace he'd been in. He turns toward his clients, who are sitting huddled together on the love seat, watching them. With a jerk of his head toward Rey, they scramble to their feet to follow.

Rey leads them back to the visitation room and turns to Mr. Solo before she opens the door. "Wait here," she tells him. He looks at her for a moment before jerking his head in a nod.

Breezing into the room, Rey has a smile on her face as she finds Charlotte colouring at the low table while her temporary foster mother sits nervously in one of the chairs. Her blue eyes flit up to Rey nervously as she enters and she keeps her reassuring smile on her face. She hopes that she's done enough to assuage the woman's fears over these visitations.

"Charlotte, sweetie," Rey says, turning her attention to the four year old. "Mommy and Daddy are here to see you and spend some time with you, is that okay?" Rey doesn't give a shit if the attorney is here or not, doesn't care that this visitation is court ordered. If this little girl isn't comfortable with seeing her parents, Rey won't let it happen.

Children first has always been her priority., her philosophy for her work. It hasn't gotten her in trouble yet, but she knows that the large attorney at her back will fight her if she refuses the parents their right to visitation.

Charlotte nods quietly, eyeing her carefully before her eyes flicker over to the attorney. There is a flash of wariness, almost fear, as she takes in the large man in the doorway. Rey's smile is soft as she walks over to the little girl, sinking down to her level and placing a reassuring hand on her back.

"Charlie, baby!" the mother cries as she shoves her way past her attorney, running up to the little girl and throwing her arms around her tightly. Rey leans back, watching the way the little girl hesitates in her mother's arms. 

Brow furrowing, Rey shoots a glare over at Mr. Solo, who almost looks like he's giving an annoyed glare to his client for shoving her way past him. Benching her annoyance, Rey goes to sit next to Tallie, the foster mother. Taking her hand in both of hers, she gives the other woman a reassuring squeeze as they settle in to wait for this to be over.

\--------

By the time Rey returns home for the day, she's exhausted. The meeting with the parents hadn't gone all that smoothly. When the clock hit twelve and she tried to (professionally) kick them out, they had tried arguing with her. Said that they didn't get the full hour with their daughter they were promised.

Rey had told them, in no uncertain terms, that if they had wanted to spend a full hour with Charlotte, they should have shown up on time.

Mr. Solo, who had spent the time leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his broad chest, hadn't argued with her, which surprised her.

Then again, she had felt his eyes on her for most of the forty minutes they were in the visitation room. Which was maybe more surprising.

Rey had spent the rest of the afternoon after they'd left with Tallie, reassuring her that visitations and having an expensive attorney didn't mean that they were guaranteed to be granted custody. Then she'd worked on her observations from the day and, before she knew it, it was past time for her to leave.

Rose left tacos on the kitchen counter for Rey and she devours them with a hunger she didn't know she had. She'd skipped lunch in favour of working with Tallie and on Charlotte's case, which is unusual for her. But she cares about this case, desperately, and she wants to make sure that Charlotte gets to live a good life with a great foster mother.

She wants to give her what she was never able to have in her childhood.

After eating, Rey takes a quick shower and trudges back to bed. She barely manages to pull the blankets over her by the time she slips into her dreams again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _arktoi_ means "little bears" and they were young girls who had been left at temples to Artemis and would participate in the rituals.


	2. you haunt me through my dreams at night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking up has never left her feeling this alone before these stupid dreams started.
> 
> She hates feeling alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i'm back with the next chapter on the schedule that i forced on myself so i wouldn't go crazy. i've had the next chapter finished for a few days and it's been so difficult to behave and post this on my schedule. X:
> 
> anyway, i hope you guys enjoy this chapter and thank you so much!
> 
> cw for this chapter are brief mentions of pregnancy, some vague references of child neglect & drug use.

**_Classical Period Greece, c. 398 BCE_ **

_ Kleitos loves her, that much is obvious from the way that he dotes upon her when he is home. She has learned over time how to be a proper wife, but she is still half-wild. He calls her his little bear when she is being particularly outspoken. _

_ Eurydice hasn't made many friends in Athens. When she goes to the square every week to do her washing, the other women regard her warily. She's heard their whispers and they call her god-touched. She wonders if the other  _ arktoi _ who were chosen for marriage have experienced similar treatments. Knows that they probably have. _

_ But she doesn't let their words or their side glances affect her. Tries not to, at least. Hopes that when the child growing in her womb comes, they will be able to have friends with the children of the other women. _

_ Kleitos is waiting for her on the steps of their home when she returns from her washing. It surprises her since he is usually not home until the sun goes down. _

_ His dark eyes watch her as she toddles up the steps of their home, the basket of washing balanced on a wide hip and against the swell of her stomach. _

_ "You're home," she says by way of greeting as she passes him to enter said home. He follows her, quiet as always. _

_ "Yes," he tells her in a voice that sounds familiar and comfortable. Deep and soothing. He says nothing else. Gives her no explanation. But Eurydice doesn't expect one, either. She's learned over the last two years of this marriage that he doesn't explain much of anything. As a woman, she isn't exactly owed those explanations anyway. _

_ She makes her way to the courtyard, setting the washing down on the tiles beneath her feet before she begins the process of hanging the clothes to dry. The muscles of her legs and back protest quietly as she continues to bend and straighten, slowing down her usually quick movements. _

_ "You should send one of the girls to do that for you," he tells her. She looks over her shoulder to find him leaning against a column. Kleitos is referring to the team of slaves that take care of everything in the home for them. She shakes her head and returns to her task. _

_ "It is the one thing that gets me out of this house and into fresh air," she tells him simply. With Kleitos, she can be frank. He is used to her outspoken ways and doesn't mind it so much when it's just them. Thank the gods for that. _

_ "And when my son arrives, you will send one of the girls down to do it," he informs her. She gives a short laugh and shakes her head. _

_ "I will take our child with me," she counters. She cannot see his face, but she knows that Kleitos is rolling her eyes at her. He sighs and moves toward her, closing the distance with his long legs quickly. Thick arms wrap around her torso from behind, large hands coming to rest against the swell of her stomach. _

_ His breath fans over her neck as he leans his head down, encompassing her in the scent of cinnamon and myrrh that is wholly her husband. She loves him. Desperately and far more than she had ever expected to love the man that Artemis had bound her to. _

_ His mouth peppers soft kisses along the line of her neck, moving up to the sensitive spot just below her ear and then back down again to where her neck meets her shoulders. Eurydice sighs, leaning back into his solid chest as she tilts her head to the side for him. The sun is warm upon her face and her body feels alive beneath his touch. _

**_BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP_ **

Rey's eyes fly open and she takes a shaky breath. There's a dampness between her legs as the image of the man in her dreams lingers in her mind.

"Fuck me," she groans. It feels strange to not feel another life swirling around inside her body. Which is a terrifying feeling in and of itself. Her body goes from feeling warm and safe to feeling cold and terribly alone.

Rey has no fucking idea what these dreams are for, why she's playing out the life of some random character her brain has apparently conjured up for her. But she's getting annoyed with it. Waking up has never left her feeling this alone before these stupid dreams started.

She hates feeling alone.

And since she moved to Boulder, it's been a while since she's felt alone. She has Rose, the woman who had been her best friend online for years before Rey finally took the leap and moved in with her at this city at the base of the mountains.

She can hear Rose moving around in the apartment beyond her room and Rey sighs. She's Googled what repetitive dreams mean, why her brain would possibly be conjuring up such detailed and realistic situations like the domestic shit she's been dreaming about. Google had no answers for her.

Supposedly, women in Ancient Egypt knew how to divine the future from someone's dreams. Rose had even half-heartedly suggested going to see a psychic or something similar for help figuring out what her subconscious was trying to tell her. Rey had shot that idea down real quick. She isn't interested in having someone reaching for answers in skillfully-placed questions about her past. Suggesting things so that Rey gives them the answers that don't actually solve anything for her.

Rey just has to deal with this dream bullshit on her own.

The heels of her hands are shoved into her eye sockets as she wills the weird feelings the dream left her with away. She's been having these dreams that feel all too real for the last week.

Rey is fed up with it, she decides. She's just going to start taking melatonin as a sleep aid to try to knock her out deep enough to keep her from dreaming. Or remembering anything of whatever she dreams, anyway…

A soft knock on her bedroom door sounds and Rey pulls her hands away from her eyes. "Rey, you awake?" Rose asks from the other side.

Rey groans and sits up, nodding even though the other woman can't see her. "Yep. Thanks, Rose. Have a good day!" She can't say how many times she would have been late for work if Rose hadn't made sure she was awake. Actually waking up with her alarm was somewhat of a rare occurrence when she had first moved in and started working, if only because she'd been used to working late shifts at the diner up until she moved to Boulder and found her social work job.

With a yawn and another groan, Rey tosses a hand through her sleep-mussed hair and climbs out of bed. She grabs an oversized t-shirt and throws it over her bare torso before leaving her room to go make coffee.

\-------

When Rey makes it to her office and sits down to look at her calendar for the day, she realizes that she has to meet with Charlotte and her parents again. And that quiet attorney of theirs, Mr. Solo. Great.

Rey is about ninety percent sure that whatever affection the two had shown their daughter last week was an act and only for her sake. She wasn't buying it, not in the least. She'd read Charlotte's case file repeatedly up until that first visitation last week. And sure, some parents did turn themselves and their lives around when their kid got taken away from them. But Charlotte's parents had been deep in drugs and other shit that should have easily landed them in jail, not some expensive attorney.

An email pops up at nine, from said attorney, and Rey furrows her brow. "Speak of the devil," she mutters to herself. She wonders what this could be about, considering she's got about an hour before he and his clients show up. She opens up the email and reads quickly.

_ To :: Rey Niima ( _ _ rniima@bouldercounty.org _ _ ) _ _  
_ _ From :: Ben C. Solo ( _ _ bsolo@firstorderlaw.com _ _ ) _

_ Subject :: Case #XX-XXXXX, In re: Charlotte Reynolds _

_ Miss Niima, _

_ Unfortunately, my clients had an unexpected emergency pop up and will be unable to make it to their visitation this week. I apologise for this being last minute, but I was only just informed of this now. We will be there next Wednesday as scheduled. _

_ Ben C. Solo, Esq. _ _  
_ _ Bar #XXXXXX _ _  
_ _ Office: (XXX) XXX-XXXX _ _  
_ _ First Order Law Office _ __  
_ 164 Mapleton Street, 10th Floor _ _  
_ __ Boulder, CO 80301

Rey groans. Of course. Why is she not surprised that they flake out on their child? She doubts there is an actual emergency and he's just covering their asses for some fuck up on their end. Idiots.

She calls Tallie, first, before she even replies to the email, because she's supposed to bring Charlotte by in the next 30 minutes so that they can meet and prep for the visitation. The woman picks up the phone on the second ring and sounds more relieved that she has to turn around and go back home with her foster daughter instead of being put out by the inconvenience.

That done, Rey replies to the email and just thanks him for letting her know and that she will plan on seeing them all next Wednesday.

And there went her plans for the day.

At least she can work on paperwork for the other cases she has, once she's done printing the email from Mr. Solo and logging why they didn't have a visitation this week in the file for Charlotte. At least this is giving her a solid baseline with which to argue against them getting custody of Charlotte back.

\--------

Rey's morning passes by quickly and by the time her stomach starts growling in hunger, it's already one. She locks her computer and grabs her wallet from her hobo bag as she leaves.

"I'm going to Pearl Street for lunch, Amy, take messages for me?" she asks the receptionist, a student from the local university, who nods and smiles at her.

Rey walks the few blocks from the social work office to Pearl Street, the strip mall that has taken over a few blocks of street that's long since been closed to traffic. She heads to the diner, her mouth already watering from the idea of their housemade fries and sandwiches.

She's not paying attention as she walks in the door, looking at her phone as she bumps into the person standing in front of her. Rey squeaks and covers her mouth with her hand as she steps back and immediately starts apologizing.

Until the person (who smells vaguely like warm cinnamon, she notes somewhere in the back of her mind) she'd bumped into turns around and turns out to be the soulless attorney that she'd thought she wasn't going to have to deal with today.

He's wearing another expensive-looking suit, but this time he's wearing full black beneath it. Rey feels frumpy compared to him, in her thrifted blouse, plain slacks, and black ballet flats. Jesus. Why were lawyers always so...expensive looking?

Maybe if she'd grown up with money, she would be comfortable showing it off, too.

"Oh! Mr. Solo! I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there," she tells him. His brow is furrowed together slightly and, up close like this, she can see gold flecks in his irises and count the different moles that are smattered across his freckled face. He's handsome, a fact that Rey will admit with only a bit of chagrin.

He's staring down at her with an intensity in his eyes and Rey is pretty sure he's imagining killing her in his head. She steps back from him again and that seems to lift whatever spell his thoughts had him under as he nods and shrugs.

"It's fine," he grunts as he turns back around to wait for the hostess to come back to seat him.

"Are your clients okay?" Rey asks before she can stop herself. She doesn't know why she asks. There's just...something about him that draws her in, makes her need to be close to him.

He turns back to her, brow furrowing even more. "What?" And he sounds so genuinely confused that Rey almost laughs.

"Your clients had an emergency this morning, didn't they? Charlotte's parents? Are they alright?" she tries again. Recognition dawns on his face as he realizes what she's asking before he nods quickly, his face turning carefully neutral.

"Yeah, they're fine." He doesn't explain anything more than that and something inside Rey warms at the familiarity of that action. She doesn't know why, but she knows that he doesn't usually give any explanations to anything he says. Doesn't say more than the bare minimum and doesn't like to explain himself.

Wait… How does she  _ know _ that? It's not like she's ever had a conversation with him beyond this one and the few revolving around work and Charlotte's case.

The hostess swings up to the front at that moment and smiles at them. "Hey, hun. Table for two?" Rey blinks and Mr. Solo coughs as he hastily shakes his head.

"Uh. No. Just one." The hostess' face falls and she glances between them.

"Oh. Well...we've only got one table left right now and I'm not sure how long the wait will be for you, hun," she tells Rey. Rey's stomach grumbles quietly in affront at the idea of having to wait, but she smiles and waves her hand.

"Oh that's-"

"I'll just take mine to go. She can have the table," Mr. Solo says quickly before Rey can say it's fine. She blinks up at him and he's looking everywhere but at her. The hostess glances between them.

"Are you sure? I can wait, I don't mind," Rey assures him. He shakes his head and motions for her to follow the hostess.

"It's fine. I need to get back to the office anyway."

Rey nods slowly and the hostess clears her throat nervously, obviously wanting Rey to follow her. "I'll send a waitress over here right away to take your order, sir," the hostess tells him. He nods at her and is looking at his phone, which looks comically small in his large hands and…

Holy  _ fuck _ why are his hands so big?

Rey follows the hostess to the small table in front of one of the windows and is left with a menu and a glass of ice water before saying the server will be with her shortly.

Rey can't help herself as she continues to steal glances over at Ben Solo as they both wait for their food. He's so damn tall. Even for Colorado, which seems to have an abnormally high percentage of people over 5'9", he's tall. He's broad, too, and seems to take up so much space. She idly wonders what his workout regimen is, because it's obvious that he does work out. No one gets a body as solid as his had felt when she ran into him by not working out.

Rey catches herself in these thoughts and quickly shoves them  _ out _ of her head.

She's most assuredly not developing a crush on this brooding mountain of a man. Especially not because he's a soulless attorney who represents really shitty people.

It takes a little longer than usual for Rey's lunch to come and when it does, she digs in greedily. Ben is handed his food after hers is dropped off and he breezes back out the door and to Pearl Street without a look back at her.

Which is just as well because she really does not need to be thinking about his stupid eyes or the way her body wants to respond when he just does something as mundane as  _ look _ at her.

In between bites of her food, Rey spends her lunch Googling various things about Ancient Greece and temples of Artemis. She doesn't find much, just pictures of the Temple at Brauron that sparks a kind of recognition that comes from seeing the place in her dreams.

It's odd, she thinks, how accurately her brain has conjured up the scene of the temple. How looking at the pictures of the dilapidated ruins that are now all that's left fills her with a kind of...sadness. The kind of sadness that comes from homesickness.

She stops herself from looking up anything further because she doesn't like the feelings it's stirring up inside. She's never really had much of a place to call home, not until now. Rey isn't sure how she feels about feeling homesick for a place that she's never actually  _ been. _ It doesn't feel good, though. And she's still got the rest of her day ahead of her and she isn't in the mood to suffer today. At least no more than she already has to when handling the kind of cases she does.

By the time she gets back to the office, Rey is in a hell of a mood that she can't put a name to. Amy didn't have any messages waiting for her, so Rey just goes back to her office and buries herself in her work. At least if she does that, she can't think about how she's damn near half in love with the man in her dreams.

Which is ridiculous, really. Being in love with someone that your brain has conjured up out of bits and pieces of memories that don't mean anything. Her traitorous brain seems to be determined, though, and that only serves to solidify the hollow loneliness that she feels deep within her soul.

\--------

That night, Rey takes a little tab of melatonin, letting it dissolve in her mouth and knock her out dead to the world in only a few minutes. She's glad for it, knows that she needs it with the way that her head is spinning and how her mind doesn't want to turn off completely. Sleep comes for her and she walks into its embrace more than willingly, hoping the kind of sleep melatonin offers her will allow for a dreamless sleep.

If only she were so lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see y'all next monday with the next chapter! C:


	3. oh my love, we'll meet again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before y'all dive into this chapter, please be aware that this one is REALLY HEAVY. There are mentions of pregnancy complications, references to abortion and infant exposure, as well as the first instance of character death as this chapter marks the end of this first life cycle. These are all things that were prevalent in this time period and I am trying to stay as historically faithful as possible in all of this. It also deals with depression pretty heavily. This chapter also deals with depression.
> 
> If you want to skip all of that, just go ahead and scroll down to the third little break and start by reading the paragraph that says "Rey spends three days in bed..."
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

**_Classical Period Greece, c. 396 BCE_ **

_ Her second pregnancy is harder. Ligeia had come easy, hadn’t caused too many issues with illness. Their daughter was an easy child, too, even at only two years old. Kleitos dotes upon her, has since she was born. He's insisted time and again that he is not disappointed they were given a daughter instead of the son he'd wanted. Eurydice knows better. Knows he wanted a son if only because he wants his child to be more than a pawn in future machinations. _

_ The idea of giving Ligeia to Artemis, letting her become an  _ arktoi _ like her mother had only crossed her mind once when she was first born and before she'd been placed in her arms. That idea had withered even further after spending seven days in bed with her daughter and then another forty together in the house. She doesn't know how her mother had willingly given her up to the goddess. _

_ This second pregnancy, though, keeps her tossing and turning in bed at night because the child in her womb does not slow down. He does not want her to rest, it seems. For if he isn't keeping her awake at night by tumbling and kicking uncomfortably, he's making her nauseous to the point that keeping any food down is near impossible. _

_ After a full week of not being able to eat anything of substance, Kleitos had summoned the physician, much to Eurydice's chagrin. The gnarled man had told her to rest and eat bread before he took her husband aside. Kleitos told her later when they were in bed together that the physician had suggested the child would likely need to be expelled from her womb now or exposed after its birth. Eurydice didn't speak with him for days afterwards, even when he assured her he would do no such thing to their child if it survived the birth. _

_ Luckily, much of the nausea seemed to abate after that, if only by sheer force of will on Eurydice's part. While she knew that expelling the child and terminating the pregnancy may have been the safer choice, she was cut from tougher cloth. She would do no such thing, would not let her child rip her from this world and send her to Hades. _

_ Her contractions start when she is lying in bed with Ligeia, the little light of her life cuddled into her side. She calls for servants, sending her daughter with one, another to inform her husband, a third to summon the midwife, and a fourth to help support her. _

_ The pain is intense, worse than with Ligiea's birth. It causes her vision to go white at the edges and despite trying to walk around her chambers, she is stuck to the bed being unable to move for the pain. _

_ The midwife comes and she can hear her husband pacing back and forth outside the birthing chamber while their daughter babbles on. It makes her smile through the pain, makes her want to get this birth over with so that she can rest with her new child and see her family. She wants to rest her forehead against her husband's. Wants him to hold her. _

_ Hours pass and the pain only comes and goes, the contractions making her grind her teeth and groan as she wills this child to come into the world. She should have gone to visit Hera before this pregnancy kept her home-bound. Should have kept the pin she had dedicated with Ligiea's successful birth. _

_ She sends a prayer to Artemis as the midwife gives her a concoction of  _ Artimisia _ and  _ Agnos castus _. The herbs are bitter and make her grimace, but they are only to help with the birth. Something she is in desperate need of help with now as the moon rises high in the sky and then descends toward the horizon again. _

_ Eurydice pleas with Artemis to protect her. She'd been a loyal servant and worshipper her entire life, even after being married. The goddess could not forsake her, not now, not in her time of greatest need. _

_ She is sweating and shivering by the time she finally,  _ finally _ feels the need to bear down and push this child out of her. Shakes wrack her body as she pushes, willing the child to come out smoothly without doing too much damage to her. _

_ It seems like the actual birth is over in the blink of an eye, compared to the entire process of the labour. Eurydice is weakened, lying back against the servant that had been sitting behind her to support her. She feels her energy rush out of her like a great wave and before she can look upon the face of her child, can hear its cries and be assured that it is whole and healthy, she is engulfed by black.  _

_ She fades in and out of consciousness after that. Her body is shaking, sweat dripping off her brow as she shivers. She vaguely remembers hearing crying, but she doesn't hear much in her bouts of consciousness that seem to flit away from her before she can fully grasp at them. _

_ Opening her eyes shows her silhouettes of people that flit around her and try to come into her line of sight, saying things she cannot hear. She thinks she sees her husband, Kleitos' amber eyes swimming with moisture for reasons she only vaguely understands. _

_ When she wakes, it is without the pain that had been driving her body to shiver and shake like an Autumn leaf about to fall from the tree. She isn't home, though. Not where she considers home to be. There's warmth here in this place, though. And a familiar hand at her shoulder. _

\--------

Rey wakes with a shuddering gasp, her eyes flying open as she blinks up at the ceiling. It's dark still and a glance at her phone tells her it's only 4:00 a.m.. Her heart is pounding and there's an echo of cramping in her stomach. Not hugely surprising considering she's due for her period anytime now, but the remnants of the dream make her shake.

Had she just...died? She's always heard that when you died in your sleep it was because you'd died in your dreams and up until now, she hadn't seen anything wrong with that logic. Who the fuck dreamed about dying and actually made it all the way through the death without waking up the moment before it happened?

Bile rises in Rey's throat and she jolts up and runs to the bathroom without bothering to throw her shirt on over her bare torso. She's glad she manages to make it to the toilet before emptying the contents of her stomach.

There's still a cramping around her uterus, but a quick check tells her that shark week hasn't quite started. She wishes it just would.

That's when she realizes she's crying. Salty tears wind trails down her face and her nose is full of snot. Rey tries sniffling to no avail and grabs an unused roll of toilet paper from the cabinet under the sink and starts unwinding it to wipe at her face and try to blow her nose. It doesn't work that well. She breathes deeply, trying to calm herself down.

It's not like she  _ actually _ died. She's still here, still very much alive.

So why does it feel like that dream was so real?

She wipes furiously at her face before she gargles mouthwash to get the awful taste of stomach acid out of her mouth.

When she goes back to her room, she curls up in bed and cries. Rey cannot stop the tears, cannot stop the empty feeling inside of her.

What the fuck was wrong with her brain that she was having these dreams in the first place?

The sex dreams had been fine. She could deal with those. She could deal with most of the dreams she'd been having the last couple of weeks. Sure, they were odd in their realism, but they were mundane and domestic and only served to add to the feeling of loneliness she had when she wasn't surrounded by work or her friends.

This one was just...a lot. Too much.

By the time Rose wakes up and is shuffling around in the rest of the apartment, Rey's sobs and tears have subsided. But after crying for two hours straight, she feels empty and drained. Like an empty husk of her former self. She hasn't felt like this since she was in high school and going through a terrible bout of depression. Since then, it's been manageable.

This is not manageable in the least. And Rey knows that.

Rose pokes her head in when she doesn't hear her alarm go off and concern immediately radiates off of her best friend. "Oh my god, Rey, are you okay? What's wrong!?" She rushes over to Rey's bedside and perches on the edge of her bed, worry lining her face.

Rey sighs and shakes her head. "Bad dream. Like...really bad. I'm just going to stay home today. I don't think I could get out of bed if I tried." Jesus, even her  _ voice _ sounds as hollow as she feels.

Rose eyes her carefully for a moment before she nods. "Okay… Can I get you anything? You sure you're okay? I can take the day off if you need me to."

Rey is shaking her head before Rose even gets to finish her sentence, but she lets her finish. "I'll be okay, I swear. I'm just going to try to get some more sleep and watch Disney movies on Netflix or something," she assures her best friend. Rose still looks skeptical, so Rey forces herself to sit up and dislodge the Mount Everest of tissue piles from around her person, sending them scattering all over her bed and onto the floor.

"You can bring me coffee and my laptop if you really want, but I swear to you that I am going to be okay while you go to work." Rose sighs, giving up the fight with her and turns to do as she's asked.

Rose leaves and Rey is left with having to email her bosses and let them know she won't be in today or tomorrow because she isn't feeling well. She emails Amy and asks her to take messages for her and let her know if anything urgent happens.

Then, because it's Wednesday yet again, she texts Tallie, warning her that she won't be there for Charlotte's visitation and Kaydel Connix will likely be taking over for her that day.

That out of the way, she throws herself back into her pillows and tries her hardest to just get some more sleep. It doesn't come easily, but she's exhausted and drained enough that she knows it's only a matter of time.

\--------

Her phone wakes her up, vibrating in its place beside her pillow. She wakes with a start, realizing she's managed to get a little sleep without being plagued by any dreams for the first time in what feels like forever. 

A groan slips past her lips as she grasps blindly for her phone, barely managing to open her eyes to find that it's 10:00 a.m. and it's her office calling her. Sighing, she swipes to answer and holds the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" she manages to get out, her voice sounding harsh and hollow to her own ears.

"Hi, Rey, I'm so sorry to bother you, but um...well…" Amy answers on the other line and Rey sighs, sitting up and scrubbing her free hand down her face. Her head is pounding and she feels like absolute shit. Add that to the hollow emptiness she's feeling and it's not a good combination. So she flops back down in bed as soon as she sits up and rolls over to her other side.

"What is it, Amy?" she prompts.

And that's when she hears a deep voice on the other end demanding to let him talk to her. Rey's brow furrows in confusion for a moment.

"I can talk to whoever it is, Amy, it's fine," she promises. Whoever it is, the sooner she gets the phone call over with, the sooner she can go back to sleep and ignore the hollowness and loneliness she's feeling. Can ignore her brain and it's attempts at making her feel worse.

There's a brief scuffle while Amy hands the phone over, before the voice on the other line is talking to her and it takes her a second to catch up. Takes her a second for her brain to process that she's not still dreaming.

"Miss Niima, where are you?" It's the voice of Ben Solo, not the voice from her dreams, she realizes after a second. She sighs and holds in her groan, if only because he sounds almost...panicked? That makes her furrow her brow.

"I wasn't feeling well, so I took the day off, Mr. Solo. Kaydel Connix will be handling the visitation today," she tells him. She realizes that she should have emailed him this morning and let him know - that would have been the professional thing to do in this situation, but she's never really had much fuss from any of the attorneys she's dealt with if she needs to have a different social worker handle their case for the day.

"Oh," comes his reply. "Are you alright? Did something happen?" His questions come in rapid fire and she's still trying to wrap her head around the fact that he felt he just  _ had _ to speak to her for some reason.

"I'm fine. I'll be back in the office next week." Rey is not about to get into the details about why she had to call out sick or the fact that she doesn't have the energy to get out of bed. Rose would say she was out of spoons for the day.

Ben seems to hesitate for a moment because the other line is quiet. "Right," he says finally after she hears him take a deep breath. "We'll see you next week, then."

Before Rey can assure him that yes, she will be there next Wednesday as normal, the line clicks dead. Blinking, she brings the phone away from her face and stares at it. What the fuck just happened?

Sighing again, she drops her phone on top of the blankets and rolls back over. Her head is still pounding and she realizes that she probably needs to drink some water and maybe eat something, but she doesn't want to do anything of the sort. Doesn't have the energy for it. Getting out of bed at all today seems like a task that just requires too many spoons that she just does not have. So she closes her eyes and wills herself to go back to sleep.

\--------

Rey spends three days in bed before she finally forces herself to get up and, at the very least, take a shower. Showering has always helped make her feel more like a person again after a particularly bad bout of depression. She's kept up on her emails for work, but only at the minimum. Beyond that, she's just been curled up in her blankets and switching between sleep and Disney movies in an attempt to make herself feel better.

Rose had forced her to tell her what the fuck was going on when she called out sick on Thursday. Having a bout of crippling depression over a dream where she'd died sounded like a weak explanation when it came out of her mouth, but her best friend had blessedly not judged her for it. Rose only suggested it might be a good time to reach out to her therapist again. Rey shot that idea down almost immediately. She didn't need a therapist to tell her that it was only a dream and her overactive imagination wasn't a bad thing, that a little piece of her hadn't actually died during that dream and everything was fine.

Rose had also suggested, again, looking into talking a psychic. But Rey had shot that one down just as quickly as the first time her friend had suggested it.

She was  _ not _ going to go to a psychic over stupid dreams.

When she gets out of the hot shower, she feels like she can breathe again. Showering has always seemed to help to center her, helped to wash away the thoughts that held tight to her brain. She hasn't always had access to a hot shower when she was growing up, so they quickly became her safe haven. A place for her to just... _ be. _

Even if Rose does get annoyed sometimes at her for using all the hot water.

Rey pulls her laptop out of her bed and starts to set it up in the living room. She needs to stay out of her bed today as much as possible, if only because, right now, her bed is synonymous with feeling too hollow. Too alone.

Rose is in her room working on lesson plans for the week, so she doesn't disturb her, grabbing her headphones from her room and plugging them into her laptop so she can listen to some music and focus herself a little better. She makes a cup of tea because she isn't in the mood for coffee at the moment and settles herself on the couch, slipping the headphones on and pressing play on Spotify.

She opens her email so that she can actually look at everything she has - she'd only been paying half attention to what came into her inbox and replying to the important ones from Amilyn and checking Amy's emails for any important messages.

Rey takes a deep breath and a sip from her mug of tea before she dives into reading the oldest of her unread emails from the last three days, moving upward as she went.

Most of them are pretty standard and not urgent in any way: basic updates and information about her cases that don't have any real effect, standard company emails, information about upcoming events. The usual.

However, there  _ is  _ an email from Ben Solo that had been sent Thursday afternoon that strikes her as unusual. There isn't a subject line, which was how she'd glanced over it in the first place, but she clicks it open now, her brow slightly furrowed.

_ To :: Rey Niima ( _ _ rniima@bouldercounty.org _ _ ) _ _  
_ _ From :: Ben C. Solo ( _ _ bsolo@firstorderlaw.com _ _ ) _

_ Subject :: (No Subject) _

_ Miss Niima, _

_ I wanted to apologize for my intrusion when you weren't feeling well yesterday. I don't take well to change and it was unexpected to not see you there at your office as I'd expected. I only wanted to ensure you were alright. Kindly let me know next time you won't be in on Wednesdays. We can reschedule if need be. _

_ Feel better. _

_ Ben C. Solo, Esq. _ _  
_ _ Bar #XXXXXX _ _  
_ _ Office: (XXX) XXX-XXXX _ _  
_ _ First Order Law Office _ __  
_ 164 Mapleton Street, 10th Floor _ _  
_ __ Boulder, CO 80301

Rey blinks as she stares at the email. Her brow only furrowed further as she stared at it, trying to come up with some way to rationalize what the hell was going on. She's been half-convinced that the phone call from Ben on Wednesday had been a dream brought about by loneliness and anxiety, but apparently not.

Rose walks into the living room and pauses when she sees Rey out of bed finally, a smile breaking over her face before it falls when she notices Rey's expression. Taking the earbuds out of her ears, she pauses the music and continues to stare at her computer in confusion.

"Rey? You okay? What's up?" her friend asks, concern in her voice. That gets her attention and Rey looks up to find Rose with her hair piled up in a messy bun on top of her head and oversized t-shirt on with a pair of pajama pants.

"Yeah, I'm...better," she assures her friend. Because she is. She can breathe now and it's easier and there's not so much emptiness inside of her right now. "I just… The attorney who's repping Charlotte's parents emailed me and it's just...it's weird, just come read it."

Rey watches Rose's face while she reads the email, trying to suss out if she has the same reaction. Rose had a smirk on her face when she turns back to Rey.

"He called you on Wednesday to check on you?" she asks and Rey nods.

"Yeah. I mean he made Amy call me and demanded he speak with me and then took the phone from her and I wasn't actually sure it was real until now." Sure, she'd gotten an email from Amy immediately after that phone call where she apologized  _ profusely _ for disturbing her, but Rey had been half out of it when she'd read it and had only said it wasn't a big deal.

Rose's smirk turns into a full-blown smile now. "Oh. He likes you," she says, as if it's the most simple thing in the world and Rey has to laugh at that.

"No he doesn't. We've barely said three words to each other and he's always barely polite. He's also a soulless asshole who represents abusive parents. I don't even think he has a heart, the faeries probably took it when he joined the Bar."

Rose laughs at that and shakes her head. "Okay, Rey. Whatever you say."

Rey can tell that Rose is still hung up on the assumption that Ben Solo likes her and won't let it go anytime soon. It was a mistake to show her the email, she decides.

Rose pats her knee before getting up. "I have to get back to my lesson plans, but do you want to go out tonight? Finn said he and Poe would be getting dinner at that Thai place in town and offered to let us join in if we wanted."

Rey shrugs, taking another sip of her tea before she turns back to her computer and backing out of the email from Ben Solo.

"I'll let you know, but I'll probably just stay at home. I'm not sure I feel quite like that much of a person yet." Rose nods in understanding and goes back to her room. Rey takes a deep breath and tables the feelings that pop up when she thinks about the email from Ben Solo. She presses play on her music again after sticking her headphones back on and gets back to catching up on her work from the last three days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HOPE NONE OF YOU HATE ME FOR THIS CHAPTER BUT IT HAD TO HAPPEN, OKAY. I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT EITHER, IF I COULD I WOULD JUST MAKE EVERYTHING BE HAPPY AND SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS.
> 
> Chapter 4 will be posted sometime this week, as soon as I'm done with rewriting Chatper 5 to make up for my not posting last week. <3 I hope you're all doing well, please take care of yourselves and stay safe in this crazy timeline we're living in.


	4. we always do, in the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you still with me? Y'all don't hate me too much, do you? X:
> 
> Welcome to the second of Ben & Rey's lives! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Also we get some of Ben's pov. C:
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I don't think there's anything that needs to be tagged in this chapter, but please let me know if there is!

**_Alexandria, Egypt, c. 50 BCE_ **

_ The closer he gets to the shores of Egypt, the more frequently he dreams. _

_ They don't just come to him at night, either, they're there when he is awake and watching the blue expanse of the Mare Nostrum pass before their ship. He's never been much of a dreamer, always sleeping lightly and never known to be one with his head in the clouds. _

_ But the dreams of a woman with bright doe eyes and piles of chestnut hair he remembers the feel of between his fingers have been plaguing him and won't let him rest. He can't remember her name, not quite - it hovers in the back of his mind just shy of where he can access it. Like a memory of his childhood. _

_ She feels like home. When he wakes from his dreams, he can smell her on his skin. Sunshine and warmth and sweet flowers. She is constantly in the back of his mind, the urge to find her growing stronger as they get closer to Alexandria. He knows he will find her there. _

_ They pass beneath the great Lighthouse of Alexandria, and he can feel her fingers resting atop his hand. Can see her beside him from the corner of his eye. It feels like fate. Like the gods have led him down his path for this very reason. To find her. _

_ His mentor is the first off the boat when they finally dock. Benedictus is all too happy to follow the older man and set foot upon solid ground once again. The city is a sprawling expanse before him, streets filled with all manner of people going about their business. _

_ Gulls screech overhead as they circle over the waters of the Mare Nostrum and Benedictus is more than happy to be leaving the waters behind him. _

_ His mentor hires a younger man to carry their trunks and lead them to their lodgings. Benedictus follows obediently, his eyes scanning the streets of the city as they walk. It is a large, sprawling thing, but he knows that beyond commerce most are here for the Museion. _

_ Dedicated to the nine Muses, the Mouseion is the largest learning institution in the Roman Empire. Next, of course, to the more modern Serapeum. Benedictus' mentor had brought him here with him. He cannot wait to step foot into the Great Library and be able to find any information he wants. He's far more interested in the legendary library than the Serapeum. _

_ That was his original reason for coming to Alexandria. Not to find the woman in his dreams, the woman with eyes that shine like golden grass, but to study texts from all over the empire. Texts that have been gathered for the last four centuries. They seem like the same goal now that he is here. _

_ They stop quickly at the building they will be housed in for the coming future and Benedictus can see the tower of the Great Library. His heart rate speeds up and he cannot help but to gape. _

_ While it may not have been the center of learning that it once was, he was no less intrigued and enraptured by it. _

_ He hears Cicero chuckle behind him and Benedictus turns, his cheeks and the tips of his ears warming under the older man's scrutiny. _

_ His mentor is shorter than him by a hand, and some of that is due to ageing. The man's shoulders are rounded forward, his lean body supported on limbs that shake now when he's over-taxed. He should have been paying better attention to this man rather than on his own fascination with everything around him. _

_ But Cicero is smiling at him and waving him off. _

_ "Run along, then. Don't let an old man like me keep you from your endeavours. I've no need of you at the moment, just try not to get in trouble." Bowing his head to his mentor, Benedictus turns on his heel and leaves. He lets the view of the Great Library's tower guide him through the streets, his eyes never leaving it as he ignores everyone around him. _

_ When he gets there, his breath is stolen from his chest. It is  _ beautiful _. The city itself is an interesting combination between the Egyptian and Greek architectural influences, but the Great Library itself is a wonder of straight, harsh lines and curving columns between gaping windows. Statues stand between the spaces in columns and people flow steadily in and out of it  _

_ Benedictus can do nothing but stare for a moment. Do nothing but bask in the glory that is the Great Library. _

_ This, to him, is one of the true wonders of the world. Sure, the Lighthouse was impressive and stands as a testament to engineering and construction at the mouth of the city. But the Library is a testament to humanity and its search of knowledge. _

_ It is everything. _

_ It is only when someone shoves into him from behind that he comes out of his reverie. He turns to find a woman staring up at him with a scowl on her freckled face. _

_ It takes him a moment to recognize her, face all screwed up in annoyance as it is. But the way the light of late morning illuminates her eyes, green and brown blending beautifully, and the curling tendrils of chestnut hair framing her face… It is  _ her _. The woman from his dreams. He blinks, staring down at her as she stares back. _

_ "I… It's you," he tells her stupidly. She just looks up at him in confusion, her brow puckering. _

_ "Would you mind moving? You're in the way of other people." Her voice is steady and clear, with an accent lying underneath the smooth Latin. She didn't grow up in the main part of the Empire, then. _

_Memories slip into place as he realizes that it isn't just dreams that he's been having. It was memories. Ones that seem a lifetime ago, because they had to be. There was no other explanation for this woman,_ his _woman to be standing before him after she had…_

_ Oh gods. _

_ The memories hit him like rocks thrown at his head. _

_ He remembers when she died at the hands of the child that hadn't lived past clawing its way out of her womb. Remembers their life together before her untimely death, four sweet years that were pure bliss. Remembers having to raise their daughter alone after her death. How he'd almost given the girl to the temple she had come from… _

_ Benedictus blinks at her. Does she not know him? How does she not know him? Surely the gods are not this cruel, to play with him like this? _

_ She tilts her head to the side and scrunches her sun-kissed face at him. "Are you alright? You look ill," she says, softer this time. She's looking at him with concern and it is such an overwhelmingly familiar emotion that it takes his breath away and makes his head spin. _

_ Gods help him. She will be the death of him. _

_ "I…" he tries to respond but he cannot find the words. Doesn't know if there are any words. "You don't remember me?" he asks her. She furrows her brow again and takes another step back from him. She takes her time looking him up and down, cataloguing all of his features. From his beakish nose to his too-large ears and limbs that are too long for his body that towers over her. _

_ She tilts her head to the side again and it is the single most endearing thing he has ever seen in his life. "Am I supposed to? Certainly I would if we had met." _

_ She is also the most blunt and upfront woman that he has ever met, besides his mother and she was only blunt in front of him when no one else was around. She's half-wild and that only makes her more endearing. More familiar. _

_ He shakes his head, whatever confidence he'd had faltering now. He doesn't know how she doesn't know him. Perhaps he is wrong, perhaps this is not her. But it  _ is _. There is no other explanation for the way that his soul yearns for hers and preens under her attention. Even if that attention is wary and guarded. _

_ "Are you going to stand out here all day or did you have business in the Library?" she asks him finally. He blinks at her and nods slowly. _

_ "No, I do." _

_ "Right." Her tone brings Benedictus out of his thoughts and he mentally shakes himself. He is glad that Cicero isn't here. If his mentor were here, he'd never hear the end of this whole they lived. _

_ "Well then. See you around, I suppose." She skirts around him and panic rises in his chest as he realizes she's going to slip away from him. He doesn't want her to go. Wants to keep her with him, wants to actually  _ feel _ her hand in his, her skin beneath his. _

_ But he also knows that if he is the only one that remembers, then there's no hope in getting her to stay with him now. So he tries one last thing as another memory flits into his head. _

_ "Eurydice!" he calls her name after her. Or at least what  _ had _ been her name. He hopes it will jar some memory within her. He has no idea if it will work. Hope burns bright in his chest as she pauses, her head tilting again as if she's trying to place where he knows that name. _

_ She looks over her shoulder at him. "You've the wrong person, sir. My name is Rena." _

_ His heart tightens in his chest as that hope is burned out. But there's a glint of  _ something _ in her eyes. Benedictus doesn't know what it means, what that shimmer means. But there is a hint of a smile pulling up the corner of her mouth. _

_ "Benedictus," he tells her in turn. She nods and then turns away again, continuing on her way to the entrance of the Library. _

_ He follows her, his feet moving of their own accord because the last thing he wants is to have her slip out of his grasp. He doesn't want her to leave, this woman who is now Rena and who is somehow  _ his _ , even if she isn't aware of it yet. _

_ At the entrance, he shows the coin of membership that Cicero had passed to him upon their embarking. It has been a solid weight against his chest as they traveled and now it is finally fulfilling its purpose. He holds his breath until he is granted entrance. _

_ And even though he cannot see her, he knows that Rena is somewhere among the veritable maze of bookshelves that he walks into. The building smells like ink and parchment and there is the vaguest hint of sunshine. The vaguest hint of a string pulling him towards the woman from what is certainly more memory than dream. _

_ His eyes dart around the Library, trying to take in everything at once as he begins to wander the shelves. He does not know what knowledge he is seeking, but knows that whatever it is will find him. _

_ And he can feel Rena's presence in the Library like a beacon of light. _

\--------

"Solo, wake the fuck up," a grumpy , British voice says next to his ear. Ben's brow furrows as he blinks his eyes open, glaring at the owner of the offending voice. Armitage Hux is staring at him from the other side of his desk with his arms crossed over his chest and a frown on his face. Ben doesn't remember falling asleep, but he can't say that he's surprised. He's been working his ass off lately and has barely been home.

Ben is sick of the dreams that have been plaguing him, though. He's sick of knowing that things will end the same fucking way.

"You're going to be late if you don't leave in a few minutes," Hux tells him dismissively. "That paralegal of yours didn't want to be the one to wake you up." Ben frowns at the red-haired man that was the closest thing he had to a friend right now. Well. Him and Gwen. And his 'cousin' Jannah, he supposed.

"Thanks," Ben huffs as he stifles a yawn. Hux nods stiffly and turns to leave his office, pausing at the door for a moment to look back at him.

"Snoke is still expecting you to win this case, you know. Doubt he'd be pleased to find out you were sleeping at your desk. Again."

Ben gives Hux his middle finger in response, looking around at the papers spread around his desk. Papers that documented the absolute bullshit custody case that Snoke has lobbed on him. Custody cases weren't normally his thing - he usually handled larger companies and other non-domestic cases.

But apparently, Smoke had a vested interest in Sarah and Michael Greene keeping their child. Even though they barely have a snowball's chance in hell at winning. Part of him still wanted to punch Snoke in the face and tell him to handle it himself, but he knows he doesn't have many career options outside of First Order. And he's not about to go crawling to his mother or uncle and ask for a job with the State.

But at least it's Wednesday and that means he gets to see  _ her _ again. The last time he'd spoken with her, she had sounded broken. He understood why, too, but that didn't change the fact that he'd panicked and demanded to hear her voice.

Waking up that morning had left him feeling distraught, with a solid ball of dread in the pit of his stomach. And then she hadn't shown up for their meeting, a blonde attorney around Rey's age showing up instead, and Ben had...well, he'd panicked. Had something happened to her? Was she okay? Was she safe?

Logically, he knew that she had to be fine. But he'd needed to make  _ sure _ that she was fine. Hearing her voice, as broken and hollow as it had been, had been a balm in his soul. He didn't give a fuck how unprofessional he had sounded or been.

_ 'The gods can go fuck themselves _ ,' he thinks to himself once again.

There's a knock at his office door and Ben looks up to find his paralegal, Dopheld Mitaka, pokes his head in. There's a large cup of coffee in his hands and Ben bites the inside of his cheek to hold in the groan of appreciation.

"Thank you, Doph," Ben says gruffly as the other man places the cup on one of the coasters on his desk. He takes a full of the black coffee while the other man nods and exits his office.

Ben looks at the clock and sees he needs to get going now if he's going to be at the Social Worker's office before his clients.

Not that they're likely to be on time, but still.

Ben takes the coffee with him and tells Mitaka to take messages for him before he makes his way down to his car. The sleek black Audi S7 is waiting for him right where he left it yesterday morning and, fuck, he really needs to stop spending the night at the office.

It takes him less than fifteen minutes to get to Rey's office. He could have walked, it's only a few blocks away from First Order, but he's not in the mood for a walk. He isn't surprised to find the Greene's missing, even though their appointment to meet with their daughter is supposed to start in… He glances at the clock on the dashboard of his car. 10:00am. Now.

Ben takes a deep breath to try and steady himself before climbing out of his car. He has his phone to his ear calling Mitaka before he reaches the door.

"First Order Law," his paralegal answers and Ben pulls open the door as he growls into the receiver.

"Find out where the hell the fucking Greene's are and impress upon them, again, the importance of being  _ on time  _ to see their goddamn daughter."

He can feel eyes on him when he enters the building, but he ignores them as Mitaka confirms and then hangs up. Taking another deep breath so that he doesn't throw his fucking phone, Ben stares up at the ceiling of the lobby and tries his hardest not to just throw the damn thing.

He's definitely  _ not _ going to win this fucking case, no matter how badly Snoke may want him to.

"I'm assuming they're going to be late, then?" a clear voice sounds from in front of him and Ben sighs, letting the sound of her voice wash over him. She sounds...better than she did the last time they'd spoken. Less empty and hollow. More like herself.

Ben lowers his gaze to find her leaning against the receptionist's desk. Her head is tilted to the side as she watches him, her hazel eyes glinting in the artificial lights overhead. She's got her chestnut hair pulled back into a messy bun on top of her head and she's wearing that  _ fucking pencil skirt _ again with a grey button-up blouse tucked into the high-waist.

At least Snoke forcing this case on him has brought him to her again. At least there is that. Small blessings, his mother would say.

She is still waiting for a response from him and he nods, forcing himself to drag his eyes away from her freckled face.

"Yes. They should be here soon," he assures her. Rey gives him a tight nod and then turns to the receptionist behind her.

"Just send them back when they get here, then, Amy. I'll be with Tallie and Charlotte."

And then she's turning away and Ben has to clench his hands into fists to keep himself from reaching for her.

"Are you feeling better, Miss Niima?" he asks before he can stop his traitor brain from doing so.

She pauses at the mouth of the hallway back to the offices. She turns and looks over her shoulder at him and suddenly he's back in Alexandria, the humid air surrounding him, along with the smell of the sea. Rey's eyes move over his face for a second before she nods.

"I am, yes, Mr. Solo. Thank you." And then she's turning away again and disappearing down the hallway and Ben has to swallow the lump in his throat. Fuck. There's something about the way that she calls him 'Mr. Solo' that gets to him.

He's going to end up screwing this case up himself if he isn't careful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some History Notes:
> 
> _Mare Nostrum_ is what the Mediterranean Sea was called during the Roman Empire. In Latin, it means "Our Sea".
> 
> The _Mouseion_ (also called the Musaeum) was the overall institution that housed the Library of Alexandria. It was home to a number of schools for poetry, philosophy, music, etc. It was basically the largest University of the Hellenistic world.
> 
> The _Sarapeum_ was the daughter library to the Library of Alexandria. It was an ancient Greek Temple and many people studied there long after the Library's demise.
> 
> There are also many different legends as to what happened to the Library of Alexandria, but I chose to go with the one that says it happened in the 1st Century BCE. C:
> 
> See y'all next week! <3


	5. our two souls destined to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay...so I know it's been a hot minute since I've updated this but I've been...busy the last month and a half. I started at a new shop a month ago and have been super busy with that and I've just been struggling with feeling good about writing anything for a while.
> 
> But. I finally finished the next chapter of this fic and now I can finally, FINALLY, publish this chapter. <3
> 
> I hope you all enjoy! Thank you all so much for all of the comments and kudos, I promise that even if I don't respond to comments, I do read all of them and they mean so much to me (I'm trying to get better about replying to things, forgive me...)

**_Alexandria, Egypt, c. 48 BCE_ **

_ Rena is the wildest woman that he has ever met. She is more wilful than his mother and doesn't hesitate to argue with anyone that she disagrees with. Benedictus is on the other end of those arguments more often than not. And he likes it that way. _

_ He likes the way that she challenges him, likes the way that her eyes light up whenever she's speaking about something she's obviously passionate about. _

_ Cicero has told him multiple times over the last two years that she would never find anyone willing to marry her and that anyone who dared to try to tame her was the biggest of fools. Benedictus has never told his mentor that he would marry her in a second, fool or no. _

_ The fire within her sparks something inside of him that he craves and only makes him want her more. He has been in love with her since she'd first appeared in his dreams. _

_ Not that he will be informing her of that any time soon. _

_ He'd already ruined any chance of their continuing friendship, after all.  _

_ They had been walking along the upper gallery two months ago when he had dared to kiss her. They'd been arguing good-naturedly about something he can no longer remember. She had prodded his chest with a slender finger and he'd wrapped his large hand around her delicate wrist before she could pull it away. She'd stared at him, startled, and had been standing so close it barely took any effort at all to bend his head down and steal a kiss. _

_ She tasted like fresh fruit and summer. Tasted like the sun itself, and he was Icarus, daring to fly too close to her warmth. _

_ Rena had kissed him back at first. But then she'd pulled away and stolen her hand back from him. Then she'd stormed off and has been avoiding him since. _

_ Benedictus would be lying if he said that he wasn't still pining after her like a lost soul. He is  _ still _ Icarus, wanting nothing more than to lose his wings in exchange for the warmth of her sun. _

_ But with the way that she's been avoiding him at all costs and pointedly ignoring him when he tries to rile her into an argument with him, it appears that he has already lost his wings. _

\--------

Ben shakes the thoughts out of his head as he stares at the steering wheel of his car. He's been more distracted than usual, which means that the stupid dreams are bleeding into daydreams at inconvenient times. He's been dealing with them just fine over the last two weeks, but they're also nearing another turning point. He can feel it. Knows it's coming and there is nothing he can do to stop it.

Fuck he hates the gods. Thanatos most of all.

Looking around, it appears he'd dozed off while sitting in his parking spot in front of his apartment in North Boulder. It's late - nearly 10pm - and he's  _ exhausted. _ The last couple of weeks have been hectic - between chasing after Charlotte's idiot parents and making sure they're showing up to their visitations on  _ time _ and focusing on the other cases on his plate, it feels like he's hardly had any time to breathe.

And sure, he's lobbed the meaningless and tedious shit off onto Mitaka (because what else is a paralegal for), but he isn't exactly known for letting go of control of things. Phasma has called him anal more than once after he's spent too long on the details of cases. But he has never been able to hand off something and not need to be involved in everything.

He's maybe a  _ little _ neurotic.

Ben certainly will  _ not _ be telling his mother that he agrees with her opinion, though. He'll never hear the end of it.

His fingers tighten around the wheel for a moment, the smooth leather giving under his palms slightly. Enough to center him as he breathes in through his nose and out through his mouth. He's pretty sure that whatever he dreams tonight will probably fill him up with that terrible dreadful feeling he'd had almost a month ago.

And it's fucking Friday, which means that he can't see Rey or have an excuse to check and make sure she's okay in the morning.

Fuck him.

Ben finally forces himself out of his car and up the short walk from his curbside parking to his front door. He unlocks the glass door and locks it behind him once again before he drags himself up the stairs and into the second-floor apartment that put him out half a million when he bought it.

Colorado is expensive as hell to live in, but it's better than living back in New York where he grew up. Beats living with his family. Or living  _ anywhere _ in the general vicinity of his family. Besides, it's not like New York is any cheaper than Colorado.

Ben doesn't bother with turning any of the lights on in his apartment, instead trudging directly to his back bedroom. He yawns and barely manages to strip down to his boxer briefs before landing face-first on his king-sized bed and passing the fuck out.

He's more tired than he thought he was.

\--------

**_Alexandria, Egypt, c. 48 BCE_ **

_ Caesar's army arrives late in the night. His fighting with Pompey had led him to Egypt, to the shores of Alexandria. The alarm bells throughout the city should have been the first clue that things were about to go badly for the city.  _

_ But Benedictus returns to the Library as he does every day. Scholars are widely regarded with respect throughout the Empire, after all. Let Caesar and his army rally against Pompey on their own. The Library and the Museion would surely be safe from harm. _

_ Regardless of any threat happening in the city walls due to the Emperor chasing his defeated political rival like a dog, Benedictus has business to tend to. It has been three months, surely that is enough time. _

_ He finds Rena as soon as he arrives at the Library. It's still early but she's clearly been here for at least an hour or two, judging by the pile of work surrounding her and the way she's immersed so fully into it. _

_ Benedictus approaches her warily. He knows that she knows he is there, standing at just the edge of her vision. Her shoulders stiffen and she turns her head slightly away so that she can pretend she hasn't seen him. Find a reason not to acknowledge him. _

_ He takes another step forward and sighs. "You cannot ignore me forever, Rena," he tells her softly. She huffs and shakes her head, almost as if in amusement. And when she does turn her head towards him, she has a knowing smirk on her lips. _

_ "I most certainly can, Benedictus," she tells him. And then she's turning away again and he takes another step towards her. And then another. And another. Until he's closed the distance between them and is hovering over her, behind her. _

_ Her back stiffens further but she refuses to meet his gaze again. "Rena. Please," he begs her. He is not above begging, Benedictus. He doesn't think Icarus would have been against begging either. "How many times must I apologize?" _

_ He knows that she is very capable of ignoring him for the rest of their lives. But it has been three months since he kissed her and he is a fool. A fool that cannot leave knowing she despises him. _

_ She ignores his question for long enough that he sighs. “Rena,” he tries again. Finally, she turns to him, her pretty eyes guarded and wary. She places her pen down next to the papyrus scroll she was writing on with a sigh. Her back remains stiff as her hands fall to her lap and she stares at him, giving him her full attention. _

_ “What, Benedictus?” she asks him. “What is it that you want from me?” _

_ He decides that it isn’t a bad question, but now he’s taken off guard. He doesn’t know what to tell her. He wants  _ her _. Wants her to recognize the bond between them that feels so obvious. How is it not obvious to her? _

_ “I…” he starts, but then stops himself. His mouth opens and closes a few times as he tries in vain to come up with something to tell her. He takes a step forward without consciously meaning to. His head shakes, causing his black hair to fall into his eyes. He brushes the strands away impatiently and notes that Rena tracks the movement with her eyes. “Do you not feel it? The connection?” he asks her after a moment. _

_ Her eyes flash with recognition and he knows. He knows that he isn’t the only one who feels it, what’s there between them that was placed there by the gods themselves. It had to have been. There is no other explanation for the pull he feels towards her. For the pull she  _ must _ feel for him. _

_ Rena’s back stiffens impossibly further. “It cannot be, Benedictus,” she says dismissively. “It did not work the first time, it will only end in tragedy this time.” Benedictus frowns, his brow furrowing together as he shakes his head. _

_ “It does not have to, Rena. Tragedy lies in ignoring this, what’s between us.” What will it take to convince her? That they could be happy together? That they  _ will _ be happy together? He doesn’t know, but he’s more than willing to do whatever it takes to convince her. _

_ She opens her mouth to say something in response when something in the air around them changes. It isn’t just them, either - it’s the entire library that changes. Crackles with a tension that wasn’t there a moment ago. _

_ It’s then that the alarm bells sound clearer. That they notice the smell of smoke in the air. Something is burning, somewhere in the city. They frown at each other, then, their conversation about whatever is between them forgotten for the moment. _

_ “What is that?” she asks. Benedictus shakes his head, just as confused as she is. And then the screaming starts. Blanching, he turns to Rena to see her pale. The others in the library are glancing around nervously, panic on display on faces young and old. _

_ Taking Rena's hand, Benedictus walks toward the entrance of the library warily. Her hand feels tiny in his, fragile but warm. Her slender fingers grasp at his hand tightly as she follows him, her face guarded against the fear she has to be feeling. _

_ It was not a secret that Caesar and his army had arrived in the city. So what had happened? What had gone wrong? _

_ Someone runs into the library, then. They cry shouts of fire, of it spreading beyond the docks where the Egyptian fleet is up in flames. Of the fire heading toward the Museion and the Library. _

_ Benedictus barely has time to think before Rena is yanking her hand out of his and darting off back into the library. The air is full of smoke, now, and everything clicks into his brain. _

_ He darts after her, finding her pulling scrolls out of their homes in the shelves and gathering them close to her chest. _

_ "Rena! We have to leave!" he shouts at her. She glares at him over his shoulder before shoving what she's carrying in her arms into his chest. Benedictus barely has a second to react and clutch the scrolls before she's turning and grabbing more off the shelves. _

_ "Rena!" he tries again. She's ignoring him blatantly, grabbing anything she can get her hands on and holding far too many scrolls in her hands. _

_ When she can no longer grab anything else, she steps back from the stacks and stares up at him. Her eyes are wide and her sun-kissed skin pale. She's afraid, he realizes. If he had a free hand, he would reach out and take her hand again. Would pull her into his chest. Protect her. _

_ But she'd forced a load of scrolls into his hands and now he cannot do anything more than stare at her. _

_ "Let's go!" he tells her. _

_ In the time that she had taken to save what scrolls she could, the sound of flames and screaming grew closer. Smoke is sleeping through the walls of the Library and Benedictus jerks his head to the side to motion Rena ahead of him. _

_ There are other people with the same idea that Rena had, their arms overflowing with the scrolls that hold the knowledge of hundreds of different civilizations spanning hundreds of years. He can't say that he blames them. His chest aches thinking about losing the vast knowledge of the Library. _

_ But his chest aches more when the rafters above crack and the building shudders. The fire had moved quicker than they'd anticipated. _

_ Rena stumbles over an overturned chair that had been hiding in the smoke surrounding them. The scrolls in her arms scatter and she curses, her voice a growl as she dives after them. _

_ "Rena!" he shouts at her. "Now is  _ not _ the time!" _

_ She growls at him, saying something about how she refuses to let this knowledge go - does she even know what scrolls she grabbed? _

_ Benedictus growls right back, dropping his own armload of scrolls as he grabs her upper arms. He will not let her die like this. Not for knowledge, no matter how precious. He shakes her slightly, forcing her to look at him and not at her stupid scrolls. _

_ "Rena we have to  _ leave, _ " he tells her. He's in her face, can see the way the fear paints her face and dances through her pretty golden-green eyes. "Please," he begs her. This was not how he expected the day to go. Not at all how he wanted it to go. _

_ The rafters above them groan again and both of them stare up at the ceiling, fear a hot flame through his veins. _

_ Without a second though, he lifts Rena over his shoulder so that she cannot run from him and slip through his fingers. She struggles, assailing him with curses and any name she can think of and Benedictus just runs. Doesn't give himself time to appreciate the way that she feels in his arms, the way that the curve of her thighs feels beneath his palms. _

_ He's going to get them out of this alive. He doesn't have the time for anything else. _

_ There is a throng of people shoving each other at the exit. Scholars shouting at one another and nearly brawling just to escape. This is taking too long. They don't have time for this. But Benedictus has the advantage of height and bulk among many of the scholars and he uses it as he tries to shove through the throng. He doesn't get very far. _

\--------

Ben's eyes open when the rafters fall on them. He groans and shoves his face deeper into his pillow. At some point in his sleep, he'd managed to wrap himself up in the thin sheet he typically slept beneath. He wasn't typically a blanket man - they were restrictive and too heavy and most of the time it was too warm for him to bother with them. He ran hot and blankets just make him feel like he's suffocating.

There's a hollow feeling in his chest as there always is when he wakes up from these dreams.

He doesn't hate the gods, he decides. No. He hates  _ himself _ most of all. For making that stupid fucking deal with Thanatos that first time. For begging for more time with  _ her. _ The other half of his soul. They were one in the same - two sides of the same coin. A dyad.

He should have just let her soul wander the Underworld without him for the rest of eternity. Should have just let her go. Spend eternity alone, which was probably what he deserves. Especially after all that his deal has lead to. He hates this. Hates knowing that  _ she _ is somewhere else in the city alone and without him and suffering through these stupid dreams.

And since it's Saturday, he has no reason to check on her and see if she's okay. If she needs anything.

There's an ache in his chest and yeah, he thinks, he  _ definitely _ hates himself more than he hates the stupid fucking gods.

Ben shoves himself out of bed, his head pounding. There is the vague hint of smoke on the air and he's fairly sure it's all just in his head. He drags his sorry ass to the bathroom, where he takes a piss and then immediately goes to the shower. The cool water is a balm to his skin, which still feels overheated from the fire in his dreams. It doesn't do so much to his thoughts, though.

The second life is the worst, he thinks. The first one is always jarring. Along with the awakening realization that comes with the first dream and then knowing that  _ She _ will show up somewhere soon, it's not so bad. They had a few years together, after all. Not nearly enough, which is why he had made that stupid fucking deal with the god of the dead in the first place, but still. They'd been happy until she was ripped away from him so cruelly.

The second one, though, he'd barely gotten a kiss in the two years and hadn't had any time to even enjoy any time with her.

So yeah. It's the worst one.

The rest aren't much better, he knows. They haven't had a lifetime where they grow old together and get to enjoy decades together. They're always robbed of it. Always, without fail.

If he thought he could get away with it, if he thought it would somehow make anything better, Ben would just stay as far away from her as possible.

But he was just as weak now as he was back then - she is his sun and he will revolve around her even if their fate is doomed to tragedy.

Ben steps out of the shower and can still smell a hint of smoke in the air. He frowns as he dresses in a pair of basketball shorts and a black t-shirt, planning on going for a run to further clear his head.

There's a haze in the air when he leaves his apartment and the smell of smoke is a lot stronger. "What the fuck," he mutters to himself. "For fuck sake, are you serious?"

It's June in Colorado and it isn't exactly surprising that there's a fire burning somewhere in the mountains that sit above the city. The state is known for having multiple fires throughout the summers - the dry heat and the pine beetle epidemic that has killed a lot of the forests creates a bad combination. Especially deep in the summer, when people go camping and are more likely to be stupid. When summer storms bring lightning that sparks the dead trees and instantly ignites everything.

But what are the fucking chances that a wildfire sparks up in the mountains the same night he dreams of the Library burning? Ben rolls his eyes up to the sky, glaring at the hazy blue as if doing so will somehow put him out of his misery.

"Just one fucking day. Just one. That's all I want," he mutters to himself. Shaking his head, he takes off down the street, taking off toward Foothills Park.

Somehow he isn't surprised when he sees chestnut hair walking the path through the park. It's pulled back into a messy bun at the top of her head and she's walking with another girl that's a bit shorter than her. The other woman has short, dark hair. He doesn't know her friend, but he knows it's Rey.

There is no fucking way she lives in North Boulder. He would have seen her before now, even if she was new to the city as all his research has told him. Not that he's stalked her or done anything creepy… Just Googled her. He may have stumbled across her Twitter and Instagram pages. He hadn't spent too long staring at pictures of her, he swears.

He sighs, shaking his head as he jogs past them.

Ben can tell when she notices him. When she recognizes him. It's like a phantom hand on his spine when he feels her eyes on him. He wants, desperately, to stop and turn back to her. Smile at her and talk to her. But he doesn't. He forces himself to continue running. He won't bother her, not when she seemed to be deep in conversation with her friend.

But still. The temptation is there. So he runs.


	6. You and I until eternity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I’ve actually had this chapter finished for a couple of months now, but I’ve been really nervous about posting it just because of the content that this lifetime has.
> 
> I do hope you all enjoy this chapter though!
> 
>  **Just a few notes: This chapter (and this lifetime) deals heavily with historical slavery in Ancient Rome.** There’s also a “slave”/master relationship. For the sake of maintaining historical accuracy, this is a subject I literally cannot avoid. I don’t go into too much detail, just know that Rey is in the role of power-holder here.
> 
> A quick note before this chapter moves forward: many gladiators in Ancient Rome weren’t actually slaves but readily entered the schools because they didn’t have many other choices for themselves and it could actually lead to a pretty lavish and privileged lifestyle if they survived their tenure as a gladiator. While I don’t explicitly state this in the fic, in my mind, Ben entered this life willingly. And despite the power imbalance, there is no dubious consent in this fic. I promise all consent is extremely enthusiastic.

**_Rome, c. 150 CE_ **

_ "Rhea, darling, come and see how well our fighters are doing," her husband tells her. Pontius Domitia is not a bad man, not really. It’s also not that he isn’t handsome, because he is, objectively. But he's also older than her by quite a bit and was never her first choice. But her grandfather had sold her off to him as a child and as soon as she'd reached maturity, she'd been married off. Sent away from any friends she had made as a child and given to this man. _

_ They own one of the wealthiest and in-demand  _ ludi _ in Rome. Or her husband does, anyway. Rhea owns nothing, not even the clothes her slaves dress her in every morning. Her grandfather, the senator Severus Palpellia, had been all too eager to get her husband's loyalty and favor through her. _

_ She has a smile upon her face as she walks to the balcony he's standing at, watching over the men training below. He beckons her with his arm, urging her to go to his side. She keeps her grimace to herself, not letting it come out of her head as he lays his heavy arm around her waist. His touch feels...wrong, as it always has, ever since she was a girl.  _

_ When she looks down into the training yard, her gaze goes immediately to the champion of their house, the only  _ dimachaerus  _ in their  _ ludus _ and consequently the most popular of their fighters. _

_ Rhea loves him fiercely. _

_ Her eyes follow the movements of his large body as he goes through the motions of training, his powerful arms swinging the two wooden practice swords he wields with practiced ease. There's a thin sheen of sweat on his bare skin and she tries not to think of the way he tastes. _

_ Her husband's hand squeezes her hip, bringing her out of her private thoughts. "Kaius will be in the arena next," he tells her, seeming to know that she's watching the champion. She doesn't think that Pontius knows why she watches him, though. _

_ If he did, perhaps one of them would be dead. _

_ "Oh?" she asks, ever the polite wife. She sees her husband nod from the corner of her eye. _

_ "It's been a while since he's been in the arena and they offered a good price for him to appear this time." Rhea nods as she continues watching the man in question, a small smile upon her lips that's meant only for him. _

_ He levels one of his swords at his training partner's neck, defeating him. And then his honeyed eyes are glancing up at the balcony she and her husband stand at. His gaze is only for her, though. Purely for her, as they ever are. _

_ Pontius removes his arm from around her waist to clap his hands together at Kaius' victory. The fighter glances to her husband briefly before going back to her, bowing at the waist at the balcony. Rhea knows it is for her. _

_ "Good work as always, Kaius." Pontius has stopped clapping and is leaning both hands against the railing of the balcony. "You'll be in the arena this week. I know you will do your  _ ludus _ proud." _

_ Rhea's heart clenches painfully in her chest as she tries not to grimace. Having him go into the arena means that he is one step closer to winning his freedom. But also that his life will be in danger, despite the fact that they are discouraged from killing each other. _

_ She hopes that whoever is organizing this fight pits Kaius against a man he can beat. _

_ She shouldn't think like that. Should not care what happens to their champion beyond the potential loss of income for the  _ ludus _. But she does. Desperately. _

_ She remains watching over their training for a bit longer, sipping at the wine that one of the slaves had offered her.  _

_ Later that night, when her husband is asleep in his rooms, she calls for Kaius. _

_ One of her house slaves is combing through her hair when he arrives in her rooms. Rhea smiles at him, waving a hand to dismiss the girl brushing through her hair. He waits in the doorway, watching her with fondness in his gaze while the girl gathers her things and leaves. _

_ Alone, they stare at one another for a moment, taking each other in. They always do this when she calls for him at night, watching each other and waiting to see which of them would break and go to the other. _

_ Their affair had begun innocently enough. She'd admired him from afar for a while after he first arrived. It felt only natural to do so, after all, like she could not help her gaze from finding him wherever he was in the  _ ludus _. After his third victory in the arena, she had taken it upon herself to congratulate him personally. He'd told her that her beauty and kindness had inspired him to win. That he would do whatever it took to win, if only to win a smile from her. _

_ And then it had devolved from there. _

_ Rhea is the first one to move, this time. She stands from the bench, turning toward him and padding to him on the soft pads of her feet. His eyes watch her every move, hunger glowing from their depths. It has been a while since she has been able to call upon him. Too long. _

_ Any time away from him was too long, in her opinion. _

_ Her hands wrap themselves around the thick column of his neck when she reaches him. She watches as his eyes soften further, his own hands covering her waist as he moves to hold her _

_ "You did well today," she tells him. He always does well, and they both know that, but the compliment still stands. Still serves to break the silence between them. He smiles at her, bending his head to capture her mouth with his. _

_ As always, their kisses consume them. As soon as his soft mouth touches hers, Rhea is on fire. She's always loved his mouth. Always loved that it is so soft, especially compared to the solid hardness of the rest of him. _

_ Kaius wastes no time in lifting her off her feet by her waist, carrying her towards her bed and lying her down upon it gently, following her down. Everywhere he touches sets her skin afire, makes her hungry for more.  _

_ Rhea doesn't want anything else but for him to touch her. To never stop touching her. _

_ She wishes that their statuses were closer. That he was the person her grandfather had sold her to as a child. That there would ever be a possibility that he could be hers and she could be wholly his. That she didn't have to play the part of a loving wife to a different man, a man that would never be Kaius. _

_ Their kisses were slow, lazy and unhurried. As if they had all the time in the world to spend together, when really they just had this night. They only ever had the nights. Sometimes her husband would go into the city for a few days, leaving her alone in their home and she would be able to spend more time with Kaius. He could stay in her bed overnight and no one would bat an eyelash at the way their  _ Domina _ kept the champion in her bed. That he would come down from the house in the morning, joining his brothers in the  _ ludus _. _

_ Not that anyone likely would. It wasn't exactly frowned upon to be sleeping with a gladiator such as he. The ludus had made quite the profit selling the bottles of sweat they would gather off of him after his bouts. _

_ Rhea didn't want just his sweat, though. Didn't care that his blood and sweat were considered an aphrodisiac. Because just him, just Kaius, was more than enough for her. He would have been enough for her even if he was just a beggar on the streets. _

_ She is certain they would have found each other in one way or another. He's told her on multiple occasions that they would always find each other. That they were written in the stars, the gods had granted them endless lifetimes together. Rhea doesn't know why she believes him when he tells her these things, but she does. _

_ His hands peel away the thin robes from her shoulders, uncovering her body bit by bit as his mouth moves down to taste the skin that he reveals. They don't say anything to each other, keeping quiet as they can. Most of the house slaves know about their dalliances, but they would never tempt whatever wrath was brought upon them from their _ Domina  _ by telling her husband. _

_ Rhea thinks the consequences would be worth it, especially when he finally works his way between her thighs and laves his tongue against her core. She arches her hips into his mouth, gasps softly as he works his fingers into her lazily. _

_ And when his cock finds its home there, when he's buried to the hilt and shuddering over her as she stretches around him, she pets her hand down his face and pulls him close. Their foreheads press together as their bodies move together in a practiced dance. Rhea has lost track of how many times they have done this before. Each time, it feels better than the last. It feels like coming home. Feels like they're meant to be here, together, like this. _

\--------

Rey wakes up with her hand between her legs, fingers already buried into her core. She wakes with a whimper, her consciousness fighting with her dreams for dominance. Her body feels empty after her dream, her hand having moved of its own accord while she was asleep and not anywhere near to being satisfying enough. Brow furrowing, she blinks her eyes open and glares up at the ceiling. She’s cold, despite the blankets she’s burrowed under. Her hand stops its desperate movements as she wakes and her body stills.

Her brain has apparently cooked up another fucking scenario to dream about. She hasn't had a normal dream in  _ months _ . She still isn't sure why she keeps dreaming of this stranger with a familiar face. Doesn't know why she finds herself comparing everyone to him. Isn't exactly sure why her mind won't stop creating these scenarios that feel far too realistic. Feel far too much like real life...

She's convinced herself that her last dreams about the fire, about being buried by the flames and the crumbling library, were just a reflection of the wildfire that had sprouted and spread in the mountains overnight. That the scent drifting in through her cracked window triggered her brain to come up with that stupid dream. That none of it meant anything, that the fact that she was witnessing and experiencing her own death in her dreams meant nothing.

Rose, at least, was a good sport and listened to her talk about her dreams without saying much of anything. At the very least, Rose hasn't suggested she speak to a therapist or a professional about what these dreams mean for her mental state. Which is good. Rey appreciates that her best friend doesn't outright say she's crazy.

Rey attributes most of these dreams to stress and loneliness. There could be no other explanation for it, not really.

Rey feels...wrong with her fingers buried between her legs. There isn't any satisfaction from it, nothing compared to what her brain had cooked up for her in her dreams. She slips her hand away from her core slowly, still glaring up at her ceiling as her brain comes online and she realizes what she's done.

She's never done that before in her sleep. Not so far as she can recall, anyway. Granted, she also doesn't think she's ever had such explicit sex dreams before, either…

She's heard her co-workers talking about how they had absolutely filthy and raunchy sex dreams while they were pregnant, but Rey is most certainly  _ not _ that. She hasn't been in a relationship since college and she doesn't do the whole casual sex thing and so many others seem to find the time for.

Rey sighs, closing her eyes and shaking her head. Her alarm goes off a few minutes later, the annoying beeping dragging her out of whatever sleepiness was leftover.

Her morning routine passes by in a blur and before she knows it, she's sitting at her desk and looking over her emails before really getting started on the day. She has paperwork to file, more notes to work on.

But there's an email waiting for her from one of her clients and she bites her lip as she reads the name. Because seeing the name 'Ben Solo' sends shivers down her spine and makes her stomach do strange flips.

She ignores the feelings that his name illicit in her as she clicks on his email, opening it up and scanning over it briefly.

_ To :: Rey Niima ( _ _ rniima@bouldercounty.org _ _ ) _ _  
_ _ From :: Ben C. Solo ( _ _ bsolo@firstorderlaw.com _ _ ) _

_ Subject :: Case #XX-XXXXX, In re: Charlotte Reynolds _

_ Miss Niima, _

_ I wanted to let you know that Mr. and Mrs. Reynolds will be unable to attend their meetings for the next two weeks. There is a scheduling conflict on their end that will prevent them from making these meetings. I'm sure you understand that attorney-client privilege prevents me from sharing exact details with you. _

_ Please inform Charlotte's caretaker that the next meeting will need to take place on the first Wednesday of next month, then every other Wednesday from that point. _

_ Kindly reply if that arrangement is agreeable. _

_ Regards, _

_ Ben C. Solo, Esq. _ _  
_ _ Bar #XXXXXX _ _  
_ _ Office: (XXX) XXX-XXXX _ _  
_ _ First Order Law Office _ _  
_ _ 164 Mapleton Street, 10th Floor _ _  
_ _ Boulder, CO 80301 _

Rey glares at her computer screen as she reads the email. Who the fuck do these people think they are? Do they seriously think they can just decide to visit their child whenever the fuck they feel like it? Think that it won't reflect badly upon them?

Rey grumbles more than just a few choice curses to herself as she clicks the 'Reply' button and types out her response.

_ To :: Ben C. Solo ( _ _ bsolo@firstorderlaw.com _ _ ) _ _  
_ _ From :: Rey Niima ( _ _ rniima@bouldercounty.org _ _ ) _ _  
_ _ Subject :: RE: Case #XX-XXXXX, In re: Charlotte Reynolds _

_ Mr. Solo, _

_ I will inform Charlotte's foster mother of these changes. Thank you for informing me of the needed changes, we will plan on meeting with your clients here at my office on the first Wednesday of the month at 10:00 AM as previously scheduled. _

_ Thank you. _

_ Regards,  _

_ Rey Niima _ _  
_ _ Boulder County Social Services _ __  
_ Children and Family Division _ _  
_ __ Office: (XXX) XXX-XXXX

Rey does not tell Ben that she doesn't give a fuck about whatever excuse his clients have this time for needing to miss the court-ordered visitation of their daughter to determine whether or not they'll even get to regain custody of her (she's determined not to let it happen). She also doesn't tell him that their near-constant rescheduling and cancelling at the last minute and constant tardiness is extremely unprofessional and looks absolutely atrocious for their case.

She'll keep all of those thoughts to herself, she decides. Because going off on the attorney representing the parents she's trying so desperately to keep a child from won't look good. She's supposed to be a partial third-party. Someone with only the concerns of the child in their mind. She can have her personal opinions about their professionalism, but she's supposed to keep them to herself. She needs to be professional herself, after all, and she's not about to give any inkling of how she will be presenting Charlotte's case once the visitation period is over and the time for court comes around again.

Once her email is sent off, Rey opens up the file for Charlotte Reynolds and adds yet another note about the cancelations and schedule changes. Then she calls Tallie and tells her about the changes as well. The woman seems relieved that she doesn’t have to worry about dealing with Charlotte’s parents for a couple of weeks. Not that Rey blames her. Tallie has been on the receiving end of plenty of glares from the parents since the start of this. Rey is pretty sure the only reason things haven’t extended beyond that is because Ben is there and they're trying to be on their best behavior.

Not trying very hard, she thinks, but that's just between herself and the court.

Rey may or may not be relieved that she doesn’t have to see Ben for a couple of weeks. If only because she’s finding herself more attracted to him than she ever needs to be. And the more she has to be around him, the more that attraction grows. And Rey  _ really _ isn’t sure how she’s supposed to feel about that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Pontus Domitia is a very massive reach for Poe Dameron. And Severus Palpellia is a reach for Palpatine~ Idk if any of y’all caught that at all.
> 
> Notes on vocabulary & other historical things ::  
> \- _ludi/ludus_ \- gladiator training school, but other schools were also called ludi.  
> \- _dimachaerus_ \- a type of gladiator that fought with two swords. They were particularly popular in the 2nd-4th centuries CE.  
> \- Gladiators didn’t fight all the time or in every arena. The idea was that they fought to gain their freedom and champions especially were more profitable to keep them from fighting all the time.  
> \- _Domina_ \- the female form of Dominus, which is the Latin name for master/owner.  
> \- There was an idea that specific types of gladiators provided different benefits to those who slept with them. Bottling their sweat and blood after a bout was a popular practice and was very lucrative. Many women bragged about wearing a particular fighter’s sweat or blood and men believed it provided them with extra virility.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much! I hope you guys enjoyed!
> 
> Come and find me on twitter at [@TrinRenWrites](http://twitter.com/trinrenwrites).
> 
> Here's the [Spotify Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1zVs5uMN0gpmbyAvi0ko47?si=bfmJlP7YSESDHov0slWibQ) for this fic. <3


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